I found a funny-looking stick walking through the park the other day. I kept it for six days trying to get it to unleash the wizardly power I knew it had within. Then I got bored with it and threw it in the garbage. Now all I can think about is some garbage man out there using my magical stick to turn crusty mayonnaise jars into Van Halen tickets and coffee grounds into Sativa and his small bear penis into a large bear penis. Or what if its a gay garbage guy? What would a gay garbage guy wish for? A cornhole with no corn in it?

I want my stick back.