I am an adult who is not afraid to buy a balloon and visibly enjoy it in front of others. I’ll buy a balloon on the street or at a hospital gift shop and just walk around for hours listening to Lionel Richie on my giant headphones…. Just smoke a bone while “floating” through Boston Common as “Running with the Night” plays with the shadows in my ear canals [oh, yes!] ….and that… that’s when you stop and you turn your head up, and to the right, and appreciate that shiny, swollen ball of joy on a string. “Hello there, balloon. I love everything about you, except your outie asshole.” Come to think of it Lionel Richie kind of looks like a swollen outie asshole. Kind of like when in porn movies the chicks open up their assholes so they’re gaping and it looks like Satan’s toothless mouth exhaling or something. That’s what Lionel Richie looks like, but that is not what he sounds like - oh no, dear friends -  when Lionel sings, he sounds like the mirthful utterances of Angels when they listen to Lionel Richie on their giant headphones.

P.S. Do not suggest adding roller skates to my balloon and Lionel ensemble. It has been proposed and rejected as too obvious.