I just got really stoned and came up with an awesome idea for a TV show!It’s about an amputee who has giant magnifying glasses for hands and magic wands for legs. He goes from town to town and solves murders and performs magic. I’m calling it “AbraCaGotcha!” It’s a kick-ass idea with a grab-you-by-the-balls title, and it marries two genres that I think American viewers have (very patiently) waited a long time to see together: grisly criminology and the childlike wonderment of the old hocus-pocus. Is he also an architect? Or would that make it too good of a show? Also, what’s the back-story on this guy? How did he lose his limbs? Is he a sucker for the latest fashions? What’s his name? Knox Kingmaker? Trod Lusty? Jock Beefcommander? I bet he has a pet. Maybe a quirky pet that gives the audience some immediate insight into Knox Beefcommander’s ethos? A basket, a pet basket named Wicker. No, that’s too obvious, maybe an Italian guy’s nose (an authentic Italian nose from Italy, not an Italian American’s nose. Trust me, people would notice.) And he only listens to the pipe-and-plank-stomping sounds of traditional Irish music. If anyone plays any other type of music in his presence, he smacks him or her with one of his magnifying glass hands and makes a rabbit disappear.